The Do’s And Don’ts of Phone Sex

Some folks are really comfortable having phone sex while others aren’t, which is just the name of the game. But, phone sex is a good idea for people in any sort of relationship (fuckbuddies, FWB, serious relationships, etc.) because it enhances your communication skills and allows you to explore and evolve your own concept of your sexuality. Sometimes, it’s easier to follow a list of rules. For all my type-A people out there, I have created a list of Dos and Don’ts when it comes to phone sex. If you feel lost, stick to this list. I wouldn’t steer you wrong!

 

Do talk to your partner about it beforehand

I know that sex is supposed to be spontaneous, but if you are trying phone sex with someone for the first time, it’s a good idea to talk about it before you have it rather than just initiating it. This just gives you both a change to prepare and talk it through a little bit. Preparation is big for phone sex because it gives you and your partner a bit of time to get some toys together, practice in front of the mirror, and get altogether more comfortable with the idea. If you are in a serious relationship especially, talking about phone sex is part of the process you’ll want to go through. It might feel a little uncomfortable at first but that’s how we grow! So get chatting about talking dirty.

 

Don’t be judgmental

The last thing you’ll want to do is make your partner feel insecure about anything. Go into this with a totally open mind. If your partner lays out some fantasy that you find strange, roll with it! At the very least, be accepting. Phone sex has the potential to get awkward when people fear that they are being judged. Nobody wants to be judged for their sexual ideas! On the flip side, phone sex has the potential to be freaking awesome when everyone feels like they can 100% be themselves. Bottom line is you want your phone sex space to be a safe one for both you and your partner, because when the ego is set aside, the fun begins.

 

Do use images and video chat

In other words, use the technology you’ve got in the digital age to your advantage! Phone sex is only heightened when images are exchanged or video chat is used. Use these tools to help you through this journey with your FWB or freaky friend. Men especially enjoy experiences more when there is a strong visual element, while women are more prone to auditory and imaginary stimulation (which is why phone sex is an awesome exercise for heterosexual pairs). Take advantage of this crazy tech world we live in and add some hot shots to your phone sex party!

 

Not if you don’t trust the person

Not everyone you have phone sex with is going to be your soulmate or true romantic partner. Whatever is done between two consenting adults is fine by me, but I just want to caution people about sending sexy nudies to those who they don’t trust. If you are a free spirit who isn’t worried about the distribution of said nudes, then go for it! However, if you are the modest type who wouldn’t be happy about others seeing those private photos and you don’t 100% trust the person you are having phone sex with, I’d stick to sexting and talking. Phone sex was invented and enjoyed long before cell phones and video chat came onto the scene. In other words, you don’t need them to complete your phone sex adventure.

 

Do make sure the coast is clear

What I mean by this is to make sure that you have the time, energy, and space to give phone sex your all. It won’t do you any good to have distractions around, a roommate barging in, or to feel tired. That’s why talking about it before is a good idea because it ensures that everyone has a chance to create a space in which they feel comfortable fully expressing themselves. Maybe you want to do it on an evening when you’ve got the house to yourself and you can light some sensual candles or put on some sexy lingerie!

 

Don’t worry if it gets awkward

Awkward moments during a sexual experiences are never fun, but they do happen. The thing is, phone sex isn’t a high stakes game. You don’t have much to lose except maybe a few seconds feeling embarrassed or nervous when you don’t know what to say. That is not a big deal, so don’t make it one! If it gets awkward, it gets awkward. I always suggest moving onto roleplaying or throwing it back to a memorable sexual experience of yours and talking that through like you are directing a porno. “You put your hand on my thigh, then we gently tease each other…” Get your mind on a tangible experience to talk through and suddenly you’ve got from awkward back to hot in a matter of seconds. Feel free to laugh if you think things are silly (without laughing at your partner but more at the experience in general). We are all human and we all fumble sometimes!

 

(Related: How To Bring Phone Sex Up To Your Partner)