LDRs or long-distance-relationships are often working against the tides. They don’t have a lot on their side because the intimacy aspect of the relationship is tainted by the distance. To make up for it, LDR couples try to do many things to remain close. They check in with each other often, send each other memes during the day, and try to say goodnight to each other over the phone before going to bed. These are all really important ways to keep the relationship going, but intimacy is important to. It’s pretty much the biggest thing that distinguishes a real relationship from a friendship, right? In order to keep that spark alive in an LDR, phone sex is just going to have to be a part of the equation, plain and simple. Think about it: Other couples have ample opportunities to solidify their relationships, and even elevate their relationships, with spontaneous intimate moments. But, that doesn’t happen in long-distance love. This is something that needs to be discussed when deciding to do the long-distance thing. You two need to decide if you can handle sex from afar. Is it in the cards for you?
If you’re in an LDR and have been trying to restore the intimacy, you may find yourself wandering over to this article in the hopes that it will provide some tips on how to have awesome phone sex with your LDR love. You’d be right! Some people are really shy about phone sex. They think it might be awkward or that it’s not a fit for the kinds of people you and your partner are. Nonsense! Trust me, you aren’t the only person who is shy about phone sex. Here are some things you can do to get over your fears of having awkward phone sex:
- Be open with your partner about how awkward it could get: Practice makes perfect! It’s going to be bumpy at first, if you’ve never done it. Putting that out in the open will take the pressure off.
- Read erotica or watch porn: People get pretty scared because they feel like they aren’t going to know what to say. Watching or reading sex is a great way to familiarize yourself with the vocab.
- Practice with a phone sex operator: If your partner is cool with it, why not call a phone sex line? Get your wheels turning!
- Practice alone: Ok, it sounds crazy, but it can really help! Practice with yourself alone in the mirror so that you can get a feel for how it’s going to go.
- Have a glass of wine: It’s a quick fix for easing the nerves and loosening you up a bit. Right before you go for it, have a glass. Why not?!
Now you know how to get loosey-goosey before having phone sex, but you aren’t done! Having phone sex with a long-distance partner requires doing a little bit more homework. For one, you are always going to want to schedule your phone sex with your partner. It might sound counterintuitive since you are looking to bring the rush back into the relationship, but scheduling helps. That way, everyone’s prepared. Also, it gives you and your partner something to look forward to throughout the day, so you’re always thinking about each other. This strengthens the relationship too. Next, you are going to want to discuss your phone sex fantasies with your partner. Having this talk might even be a nice way of leading into the conversation, like phone sex foreplay. What are you and your love into, sexually? What are your fantasies? The fun part about phone sex is that you can safely live out those fantasies with your partner, making it a unique way to bond sexually. If you’ve never thought about your sexual fantasies in-depth before, you aren’t alone. Society has conditioned us to push those fantasies down, even though they are totally normal and healthy to express! If you need some help figuring out what you and your partner might be into, check out some jumping-off points below. But also consider, you and your love might have past memories that you can reference. Maybe your fantasy isn’t a fantasy at all, and you are just fantasizing about sexy memories the two of you have! Maybe, you just want to talk about doing stuff to one another. If you want something a with a little more jazz, check out these topics:
- BDSM
- Voyeurism
- Exhibitionism
- Daddy Fantasy
- Fetishes
- Roleplaying
- Teacher/student
Once you and your love have discussed what you are going to get into and when, you can dive right in! But, as my final suggestion, I want to bring up nudes and toys. These are great ways to elevate the experience. Sending nudes while sexting or having phone sex allows for those visuals to become part of the experience and memory. If you want to get really raunchy, you can video chat while you are talking dirty! And, as for toys, these guys can really help to get you off. Phone sex is a form of masturbation, after all. Plus, if you’re going to be holding a phone, you might want some assistance from a toy!
(Related: How To Stay Sexual During Isolation)