Many partnerships go through stages within their intimate lives. As things progress, we become more comfortable trying new things with our partners. This could mean various things from introducing fantasies into the bedroom to simply trying a new position. The lines which define a sex life between partners is different for every couple. However, it seems pretty clear that not many couples know how to do, or even introduce the idea of, phone sex. It’s strange that people seem more comfortable asking to try something unique in the bedroom than they often do bringing up having phone sex with a partner, which is a shame because phone sex is great for a relationship in so many ways!
First, it’s an obvious intimate choice that many long-distance couples make in order to keep their relationships as sexual as possible, even from afar. And, while they are more likely to bring up the idea of phone sex sooner, even some people in LDRs have trouble approaching the subject with their partners. And why is that? Even for couples who aren’t separated by miles and miles (including those who live together) can benefit from phone sex, so it’s important to me to lay out how to ask your partner for it. Here are the many ways in which phone sex can help couples who live together:
- It’s a great way to get to know your own fantasies
- It encourages intimate communication
- Get to know your partner’s fantasies
- Add a new vocal element to your bedroom
- Add a masturbatory element to your bedroom
- Use it as a tool when you go on separate business or family trips
- Break up the monotony in the bedroom by using phone sex
These are really just a few of the ways in which phone sex can be beneficial to your relationship. But, chances are, if you are reading this article, you already know that phone sex is something you want to try with your partner, you just aren’t sure how to bring it up. Maybe you fear that it will be awkward, like a virgin preparing to have sex for the first time. Maybe you think your partner will eve judge you for asking. Here’s the thing: communication within a relationship is everything, especially communication about sex. At the end of the day, all you really need to do is ask for it. But, of course, that’s easier said than done. So, here’s what I suggest…
Do it in person
Don’t sell phone sex short, this is a big (and awesome) new thing that you are bringing into the relationship. If possible, you’ll want to ask for it in person. You don’t want the ask to be something that feels fleeting or something that is swept under the rug, which is often the case for things that are asked for via text. Don’t discount the superiority of an in-person ask. But, if you are nervous about bringing it up at all, you can let your partner know via text that you have something good you want to talk to them about, something about a sexual thing you want to try. That way, they are prepared and you’ve already broken the ice before the conversation has even started.
Create a safe space to talk about sex
This is going to be awesome in the long run for your relationship and your sex life. So, what do I mean by ‘safe space’? I simply mean that you create an environment in which you and your partner can both feel comfortable to fully express yourselves. It can usually be set up by sitting somewhere comfortable (like the living room) and literally saying, “I want this to be a safe, judgment-free conversation about our sex lives. A place for you to say whatever you want and for me to say whatever I want about sex with no judgment.” Usually, a partner is happy to hear this and it creates future opportunities to talk about sex or fantasies. It’s essentially an open-door for sexual communication.
Just ask!
Now that you’ve got this safe space established, you can let your partner know you’ve been thinking about phone sex. It’s really that simple. If they need some deeper understanding as to why, you can lay out all the benefits I’ve listed above. Let your partner know that this is something you want to try because you think it could be awesome and fun, and that it’s ok if it gets awkward. Phone sex isn’t a life-or-death situation. It’s fun, sexual, and enlightening. The stakes really aren’t that high, so if you mess up it’s not a big deal! Presenting it to your partner in this way, in person, within a safe environment is going to open up his/her mind, even if it’s just a crack. And, who knows? Maybe they’ve wanted this all along! At the end of the day, you have nothing to lose!
(Related: Why Phone Sex is Important For Long-Distance Relationships)