If you’re a female and just learning the ropes of phone sex, don’t worry. I feel your concern. Believe it or not, I too used to be a little wary about dirty talk and phone sex in general. But, turning into phone sex royalty is a piece of cake! From what I’ve noticed, women can have a tendency to overthink phone sex. Like everything else in our lives, we want to be perfect or considered sexy, especially if we are in a heterosexual relationship with a man. There’s a societal expectation for women to be sexy, but not oversexed. To be confident, but not too confident. Excuse the french but…F that! Becoming a phone sex operator was so liberating for me both in a working sense and in a sexual sense. Sex work, when in your own control, teaches us that those rules aren’t rules at all, but sentiments made up by angry men trying to put us down! I’m not here to get into deep feminist theory, but I do want you to know that being sexual is not a crime. And, that’s really the first thing you need to learn before you can truly become a phone sex queen.
Phone sex is primarily about two things: Fantasy and dirty talk. It’s also about a phone I suppose, but that’s sort of a given. So, let’s tackle the first thing… fantasy. When you work in the phone sex operator business, you hear all sorts of fantasies. There is just a huge range to human sexuality. If you are reading this to brush up on skills to be good at being a phone sex operator, then you are going to want to roll with the punches. You’re being paid to do so! However, if you are here just to be a phone sex queen in your own right, you are going to want to become a sexual detective. What I mean by that is you want to take the magnifying glass into your own head and find out exactly what you like. It’s ok if your fantasy is wild BDSM sex, but it’s also ok if you enjoy some really vanilla play! All sexual fantasies are welcome here, we don’t sex shame at PSQ Headquarters. Women are often viewed as the fantasy, which doesn’t give them a chance to do the investigating for themselves. Some people call this ‘living for the male gaze,’ or adhering simply to the notion that you are the fantasy, so you don’t get to have one. This idea is actually going to go against you when trying to have phone sex, which is why I don’t prescribe to it. You need to find out what turns you on!
There are various ways to do this, but I suggest either watching some porn or straight-up calling a phone sex line yourself. When you watch porn, you get a visual representation of fantasy. I’d even suggest watching porn that is made for women or directed by women. They get the good clit rubbing action in there. Pay attention to all the details about the video that turn you on… I want you to get down to the nitty-gritty. This is so that you can begin to develop a language for what you like and talk about it in detail. Watch enough of it so that you are so comfortable with your own fantasies. I also suggest masturbating to it and totally falling into this realm of imagination. Creating a scene out of thin air is the backbone of phone sex.
The next part, which we’ve already kind of gotten into, is the dirty talk. To master anything, you have to be around it enough and have some practice. That’s another reason why watching porn or calling a line is a plus. It gets you familiar with the words you are going to want to use and how you want to use them. The key to dirty talk is being very descriptive. Think of all of your senses deeply when you are imagining yourself in a scene with your partner. It’s going to feel funny at first, but I also suggest that you talk dirty to yourself in the mirror. The better you get at this, the more natural it will feel and hopefully it’ll even start to turn you on! Being turned on by your own words is going to register to your partner when you are having phone sex and actually turn him on even more too!
Another thing that we can’t forget is that to be a phone sex queen, you need to treat yourself like royalty. In other words, get comfortable. Before you call your phone sex date, dim the lights. Burn some sexy candles and get into some lingerie. Have your toys nearby and make sure that you feel as sexy as you actually are! Being comfortable is going to help you so much because it melts the stress and anxiety away. You can even sip on some wine before you take the plunge into phone sex to loosen up the nerves. Being a phone sex operator, I know that a little wine can really go a long way in getting the creative juices… and other juices flowing!
(Related: The Do’s And Don’ts of Phone Sex)