How to Have Phone Sex

Phone sex may be the safest kind of sex there is. Essentially, you’re seducing the brain of the other person on the phone while masturbating by yourself. Over the phone, you can be anyone and try any sexual fantasy without leaving your house or putting on pants. In fact, the whole point of phone sex is to take your pants off! Phone sex is a great way to explore your kinks and secret desires, either with your current partner, through a phone chatline, or with a phone sex operator. There’s no shame in your game, however you like to play. If you’re new to phone sex, we’re here to help you make the moment sexy and fun instead of awkward and sweaty.

Basic Phone Sex Tips

If you’ve never had phone sex before, it can be extremely intimidating. What will you say? Will you sound stupid? Are they going to laugh or be turned on? Every phone sex experience is different, depending on who you’re talking to, but these basic tips will keep you from feeling lost and weird AF.

  • Make sure you have good cell reception. The last thing you want in between “I’m touching my dick” and “You’re so hot” is a dropped call.
  • Get in a private spot before you make the call. Unless you want to be overheard, make sure you’re alone before you start.
  • Undress or change clothes so that you’re as comfortable as possible. If you plan to masturbate and get off, you’re going to want easy access.
  • Speaking of being comfortable, get in bed, lay on the couch, or get into whatever position zens you out the most. Phone sex can be awkward for some people, but if you’re physically uncomfortable, it’s only going to be more difficult.
  • Set the mood with the right lighting and even music. You want to be as relaxed and ready to play as possible.
  • Think about the words you want to use. “Penis” and “vagina” are technically correct but they’re not very sexy. Try a few other works like dick, cock, pussy, and others.
  • Be yourself. It’s okay to be kind of a goofball or a little awkward. Be genuine when you express your desires, and it’ll be a better conversation for both of you.
  • Start with questions if you don’t know what to say. “What are you wearing?” or “Do you like to be touched like this?” are good ones.
  • Slow down when you’re talking. Lower your voice to a whisper or close, and draw out your words. This isn’t the time to rush, and making these changes will make you sound sexier.
  • Close your eyes and visualize the scene as you speak. Describe the sights, sounds, and even location. Where are you and what are you doing? Yes, even if you’re making it all up as a fantasy role play. Imagine where you might be.
  • Listen to your partner’s voice and their reactions. You’re not following a script so let their sounds and desire help you decide what to say next.
  • Don’t worry about lulls in the conversation. If they last a little too long, redirect the conversation back to an earlier topic or ask another question like, “Will you touch yourself for me?”
  • Masturbation and orgasms are a part of phone sex, but they’re not required. If you just want to listen and fantasize, go for it.
  • Feel free to use a sex toy during phone sex. It can be a great way to keep the conversation going and guarantee a lot of pleasure.
  • Ask your phone sex partner if they want to do what you tell them to do or if they’ll tell you what to do. This is a great way to keep the sexy fun moving along without the pressure of a “conversation.”
  • Feel free to use role play or kinky fantasies as the basis of your phone sex experience. It can be easier to decide what your “character” would say because it doesn’t feel real.

Phone Sex in Relationships

When you’re in a relationship, phone sex can be a fun way to reconnect, especially if you have to be apart from each other for any length of time. Even if you’re not experienced with phone sex, you’ve already got an advantage because you’re chatting with someone you’ve had sex with before and (hopefully) like a lot. Instead of worrying about what you’ll say or whether they’ll like you, you can focus on turning them on.

Sext first. Get yourself and your partner in the mood with some hot and heavy sexting first. Send (consensual) nudes. Send the dirty message that tells them exactly what you’d like to do to them. Type things you might not be able to say to get them excited about the phone conversation later.

Sexy memories. Not sure how to get started? Remind them of that sexy thing you did a few months or years ago. “Remember when we went skinny dipping?” or “I loved that time at the hotel in Vegas.”

Confess a sexy thought. If you’re having good IRL sex with your partner, you’ve certainly had a sexy thought or two about them. Start your phone sex experience by sharing one. “I love it when you wear those blue panties” or “Sometimes I want to bend you over the kitchen counter and make you come.”

Fantasize together. When you’re not looking at each other, sometimes it’s easy to confess your kinky fantasies. Even if you never act on them, it’s a great way to experience phone sex together. It can be a role play scenario or a kinky domination or submission fantasy. Don’t be shy and explore those fantasies with a lot less pressure.

Skype or Facetime. You wish you could see them while you’re apart, so here’s your opportunity. Now you can get naked together and get a visual of the action, too. Ask them to show you how they touch themselves or use a sex toy. Let them watch you, too. Few words will be needed when you can see each other. Spend time post-orgasm enjoying each other’s company. Now you can be sleepy and sweet with each other or you can start again with a new fantasy or sexy thought. The nice thing about phone sex in a relationship is that you can move from a sexual moment to a sweet moment without feeling awkward.

When You’re Feeling Awkward

If phone sex only makes you feel awkward, you might not be as excited about it as your partner. Here are a few tips to help you relax and gain confidence, whether you’re talking to your long-time partner or a sexy stranger.

Have a plan before you call. You shouldn’t try to script yourself line by line — which won’t be practical unless your partner has a script too. But you can decide ahead of time what questions you’ll ask and what you’d like to happen.

Take a deep breath. When you’re not sure what to do, there’s a tendency to ramble or speak very fast. Now is the time to inhale deeply, then let it out. Keep taking deep breaths to keep yourself from rushing through the moment.

Slow down your speech. If you’re afraid your voice will waiver, slow down and lower your voice. It’s a great way to make yourself sound sexier, but it’s also a good way to calm your nerves, too.

Go ahead and laugh. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself if you misspeak or come up blank during phone sex. The other person on the phone may be feeling just as awkward, and you’ll help diffuse the tension.

Calling Chat Lines

Calling a phone sex chatline is a great way to meet someone new and have no-strings-attached fun. Basically you’re having phone sex with a stranger without the condoms and wondering where to put your hands. Not all chatlines are sexy, and not everyone on the line is looking for a phone hookup. But when you find someone who’s down for hot phone sex, make sure you do it right so you both have a good time.

  • Use your sexy voice, but don’t put on a fake voice or try to act unless you’re really good at it (as in award-winning good). A lower, huskier voice works best.
  • Ask questions about what they like, what they’re wearing, and what they want to do. Use their answers to start the conversation.
  • Let porn you’ve watched or erotica you’ve read inspire your conversation.
  • Get into the details. Describe exactly where you’re touching them and how. Tell them where your tongue is and how fast or slow you’re licking them.
  • Don’t rush through the moment. Buy extra minutes before you get started if that’s a concern. The last thing you want is for your call to be disconnected in the middle.
  • Use this as a confessional of a sexy guilty thing you want or you’ve done. You can be the naughty one who needs punishing or the naughty one who corrupts your chatline partner.
  • Share your kinks and fetishes, even if they’re just a fantasy right now. You may never talk to this person again so don’t worry about judgement.
  • As with any partner, listen to their reactions. If they’re not into it, switch subjects. If they are, find out how far you can go.
  • If it’s not working for you, end the call and find someone else to chat with.

Talking to a Phone Sex Operator

If you decide to call in and talk to a phone sex operator, you’re in for a completely different experience. Instead of two awkward people trying to figure each other out, your partner is now a professional who will know how to keep the conversation going. For anyone worried that it’s all “fake” and it won’t feel right, how is that different from porn? That’s right, it’s not. This time, you’re paying for sexual pleasure from someone who’s entire job is to give you a phone sex fantasy that’ll get you off in new ways. So how do you maximize the experience and get the most out of your session with a phone sex operator? Follow these tips.

  • Tell the operator what you want. No shame here. They’re a professional and won’t blink at whatever wild fantasy you have.
  • Consent is still important. No one has to do anything that is outside of their personal limits. Don’t try to force a phone sex operator to do something they don’t want to do. That’s never okay plus they can always hang up on you.
  • Admit when you’re nervous. They’ll help put you at ease and guide you a bit.
  • Ask questions just like you would with a partner or a stranger on a chatline. Your phone sex operator will play the part you want or they may surprise you with something you never expected to like.
  • Don’t be afraid to masturbate while you’re on the phone. It’s called phone sex for a reason. Getting off is the reason you called them.
  • Feel free to use phone sex operators to get comfortable with phone sex and learn what to say. This can help you later if you want to use a chatline or if you get into a relationship and want to try phone sex with a partner.
  • Try new things. Phone sex is a safe place to explore your fantasies, desires, kinks, and fetishes. It’s all conversation, after all. And with a phone sex operator who may know more about your fantasy than you do.

Phone Sex Safety

Phone sex may not be like other forms of sex, since it’s essentially a better form of masturbation. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t safety concerns to consider. Consent is still an issue, and the whole point is for both of you to have a good time.

  • Respect your partner’s boundaries. If they don’t want to discuss a topic, leave it alone and talk about something else.
  • Stop when your partner says they’re uncomfortable or uninterested.
  • Tell your partner if you’re not comfortable.
  • Distinguish between a fantasy you want to try in real life versus a phone sex only fantasy. This is especially important when you’re having phone sex with someone you’ll see later. They may think you want to do that kinky, taboo thing in real life.
  • Don’t demand anything from the other person unless they’re okay with it.
  • Don’t try to tell a partner what to do unless they’re into that kind of power play.
  • If you’re on a chatline, don’t share personal details until you’re comfortable. No one has to know your real name or phone number.
  • Don’t give strangers your location or address.

Phone sex is a great way to experience dirty talk, try out a new kink, and get off without the pressure to get naked with someone. No need for condoms, birth control, or even pants! If the sound of someone’s voice is enough to turn you on, and you want to connect with new people or current partners in a new way, phone sex is easier than you realize.

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