When you’ve got a strict parent who yells and swears a lot, eventually those ‘bad words’ become devalued. F bombs don’t sound like explosions, but rather tiny fires. That’s kind of how I feel as a sex worker in relation to dirty words. They are just the norm for me. They haven’t lost all meaning but I am not going to bat an eye at pornographic sentences. They are my livelihood and they bring people joy.
When people try to have phone sex with folks who aren’t operators (like their hookups, flings, and significant others), those words can feel daunting. They somehow belong more on a phone sex line than between the cell phones of two ‘normal’ people. That makes sense, but not when those normies try to have phone sex. The dirty words are feared when they should be celebrated. But, I get that it’s not easy. If you don’t say “cock” or “pussy” on a daily basis, it’s going to feel weird incorporating them into your hookup language or love language. It has a lot to do with their nomenclature. They are called dirty words after all. As humans, we live double lives. We want to appear clean, but we have ‘dirty’ desires. From here on out in the article, I am not going to call them dirty words. I think that’s a good place to start.
To add kinky words to your vocabulary, you’re going to want to destigmatize them. I don’t suggest blabbing about bum holes in your office or to the pizza delivery guy (although, that sounds kind of hot. Definitely a fantasy worth exploring). In other words, I’m not suggesting that you incorporate them into daily life. But also, incorporate them into daily life! Say them to yourself a few times a day in the mirror. Get comfortable with those “bad syllables” (as Eminem would say – There are no bad words only bad syllables) coming out of your mouth. They are just letters at the end of the day. They have agency, yes, but they aren’t going to hurt you. At least these ones won’t.
Aside from saying naughty things to yourself in the mirror, there are a couple other ways in which you can incorporate the words into your life. You can write them down. Get real with yourself. Journal about why they make you feel uncomfortable. You can also start slipping them in casually during the actual sex you have. If you fear using kink language over the phone, chances are that you don’t do it very much in the bedroom either.
Getting used to the words through practice is a great method, but some folks are auditory learners. For those people, I would suggest watching pornography to become more comfortable hearing those words. Watching porn also shows you how to use the words in a sexual hot conversation. It’s a way of leading by example. You can also call a phone sex line and listen to the professionals.
In the end, it’s about practice, education, and acceptance. Just like anything else! The more your engage with the topic, the easier it will be to incorporate sexual language into your life!