In terms of fantasies expressed during phone sex, the desire to be tortured sexually is among the most common. There are so many people out there who thrive in the overlap between pain and pleasure, between control and submission. The submissive side of the BDSM fantasy can be expressed and desired on several different levels. Like anything else, the fantasy exists on a spectrum ranging from the super hard core to the very light. Regardless, as a sexual submissive, one thing is for sure: there is a desire to be taken over physically. This paints a pretty clear picture in the bedroom, but what does it mean for the phone sex version of this fantasy? What is the psychology behind giving oneself pleasure while subsequently requesting that a stranger take it away within their imagination via the power of speech over the phone? There is no direct answer as to why people enjoy this because fantasy is perhaps one of the most subjective elements of the human psyche, but there are significant studies that have sought to peel back the fantasy and explore the origins. We’ve done some research and have some interesting findings which may explain this strangely common fantasy of submission over the phone.
Before we address the telephone aspect of the fantasy, it’s important to understand the idea as a whole without the phone. BDSM submission. What is it? The acronym stands for Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism. Essentially, it describes someone who experiences sexual pleasure from their own pain; however, it’s also not that simple. Pain is a pretty collective term and it can take various forms from physical pain to humiliation. For the purpose of this article, we’re going to classify this largely encompassing preference to the blurred line between pain and pleasure (in unique capacities). It doesn’t take a hornball to understand that there is a clear intersection between pleasure and pain. Take Hot Tamales for example. They are delicious candies made even more delectable by the fact that their spiciness causes some pain throughout the consumption process. Why do we subject ourselves to the pain?
There are likely both biological and environmental reasons as to why. While there’s no definitive answer, there are some scientific clues as to why humans biologically the unlikely combination. According to a study in which humans were put through various types of painful experiences, dopamine levels showed that when a person felt the highest level of pain, he/she also released the most significant amount of dopamine. In addition, we know that when put in physical danger, we are surged with endorphins and adrenaline which can also be linked to happiness. On the emotional or environmental side of the equation lies some instances in which the combination of pain and pleasure derives from a learned behavior stemming from childhood. Abuse within the home from a loved one unto a child could produce an attraction to the combination of pleasure and pain in the bedroom. And, while this does make sense, it’s not true across the board. Therefore, it’s not fair to assume that someone who is into BDSM also had some sort of trauma in his/her life. Learned behavior does not have to stem from abuse, it can stem from minor situations in which there was no negativity directed towards the person who learned to enjoy pain. There are so many hypotheses as to why people love BDSM, and the aforementioned theories are just the tip of the iceberg. Truthfully, anyone could be into BDSM. A teacher, a grandmother, a sex worker, a mailman, etc. This list goes on and on.
Now that we’ve somewhat established why someone might link pain to pleasure and therefore enjoy different forms of BDSM, it’s time to take a look into why it’s loved and requested during phone sex sessions. There isn’t a ton of science or research behind this, but there is a theory behind the enjoyment of pseudo-dangerous activities. Take a scary movie or a roller coaster for example. When experiencing either of the two, a person is put into a space in which fear is imminent; however, the person experiencing fear is not in any actual danger. Rather, it’s more of a thrill and an illusion that creates this fear. It allows for that euphoric rush to enter the body without putting a life in serious risk. The same could be said for BDSM phone sex participants. The illusion of ‘danger’ expressed in the safety of one’s own home is a protective way to explore the fantasy without actually testing it out with another person. Another theory as to why it’s requested so often during phone sex is that a person simply knows, loves, and practices BDSM; however, is unable to get the fill that he/she needs. Phone sex is simply the next best thing to satisfy an insatiable appetite.
In exploring these theories of biology and circumstance, it allows us to have a greater understanding for something with so many layers. Our findings are based on various pieces of research material and are by no means definitive answers. However, in peeling back the layers of our own fantasies and addressing our sets of circumstances, we can come to better understand ourselves sexually. While it might not procure a single straight answer, in the end, it’s all worth exploring and investigating because it promotes sexual health and may increase sexual pleasure.