How to Have Phone Sex: The Complete Guide

Please. We all know what phone sex is, right? It’s dirty talking over the phone!

If you’re in a long distance relationship and want to get a little kinky over the phone, you’ll want to master the art of phone sex. It’s a little more complicated than just dirty talking. It’s mutual masturbation. It’s knowing what your partner wants to hear and how they want to hear it. Audio stimulation in the highest form. In today’s visual heavy world, a little fantasy exploration over the phone is a wonderful change of pace.

If you are considering trying phone sex but feel afraid to ask your significant other, don’t worry. You’re not alone. Phone sex is something that may make you giggle at first, but after some consideration, it doesn’t feel like a laughing matter. For long distance relationships especially, it’s a great way to keep the spark alive! It’s also a great way to introduce something new and exciting to the relationship.

There are a few ways to bring up the idea to your partner. The obvious one is to straight up tell them that it’s something you are interested in, and ask if they’d like to try. If that seems too daunting, you can also pretend that the original idea wasn’t your own.

For example, you can tell them that you heard a friend talking about how amazing it was and that you’d like to try. Or, you watched a movie and the phone sex scene turned you on. Either way, if you ask your partner in a way that is respectful, you can do no wrong.

There’s no shame in wanting to try out something new. You might be surprised how willing and eager your partner may be to try it. Perhaps they have been afraid to bring it up to you.

QUICK TIP: IF YOU ASK IN A RESPECTFUL WAY, YOU CAN DO NO WRONG.

Role playing is a good way to abandon the nerves and break the ice. Adopting a new personality can help you ease into a situation that is a bit outside of your comfort zone. This is due to the fact that it’s easier to express vulnerability under the guise of a character or alter ego. That’s why so many famous performers adopt alter egos. Role playing with your partner can also be a nice way to ease into your sexual fantasies and perhaps even discover new fantasies you never knew you had! We suggest coming up with the role play characters before the call itself, so that the call feels natural from the get-go.

QUICK TIP: PICK UP AN ALTER EGO.

One of the most important thing to remember while having phone sex is that is perfectly ok, and even encouraged, to have a sense of humor. Sometimes the nerves can get the best of us and simply laughing or acknowledging the silliness is a great way to break the tension without totally ruining the mood. It also shows your partner that you are on the same page in terms of comfort with the experience. While it breaks the fourth wall a bit and might shatter the smoke and mirrors for a moment, it’s much better to laugh off an awkward moment rather than ride it out.

QUICK TIP: ACKNOWLEDGE SILLY MOMENTS.

Remember that phone sex is a dialogue, not a one man show! Asking questions during phone sex is a way to keep the conversation flowing. It also allows your partner to be with you in the experience every step of the way. The easiest question is to simply ask your partner what he/she is into and what he/she wants out of the experience. It will help you to understand what turns your partner on and it will allow you to formulate a tentative plan as to direction of the call.

QUICK TIP: QUESTIONS GIVE A CONVERSATION MOMENTUM.

Do you and your partner have any kinky fantasies such as a cuckolding fantasy, a voyeurism fantasy, or a threesome fantasy? Phone sex is a safe way to explore your fetishes through your imagination. Fantasizing can also help you create and image in your mind that is vivid enough to describe in detail. Use your imagination! Remember that the entirety of the experience is based on what you are able to envision, make up, and bring to life. Let your mind explore freely. You may surprise yourself and reveal a fantasy you never even knew you had.

QUICK TIP: USE YOUR IMAGINATION TO PAINT A NAUGHTY PICTURE.

In order to keep the heat of the conversation alive, you’ll want to occasionally tell your partners how fantastic they are. You can compliment their bodies or you can tell them that their descriptions are sending you over the edge. At the end of the day, everyone simply wants to feel like they’ve done a good job, were sexy, and were given enough sex in return. Complimenting can move your phone sex conversation into a volley of back-and-forths and is likely to bring momentum to any pregnant pause in dialog.

QUICK TIP: ENCOURAGE AND STROKE YOUR PARTNER’S… EGO.

Every now and then, you can check in on your partner either by asking if they are enjoying themselves. For example, if your partner begins to pant and moan, you can urge them on by asking, “Oh, you like that baby? You like when I _______ you?” You can ask about the imagined action or the reality of them touching themselves. It’ll help your partner to remember that you are there for their pleasure as well, and it will bring you and your partner closer together during the entire experience. Either way, it gives your phone sex parter a chance to feel like you are there with them in the room.

QUICK TIP: MAKE SURE YOUR PARTNER IS HAVING FUN.

Phone sex is not the place to hold back any moans or groans. Moaning into the phone is the icing of phone sex. It’s juicy, stimulating, and will turn your partner on more than you probably realize. Moans give tangibility to the situation and make it feel more like sex than masturbation from miles away. It’s reassuring that whatever your partner is saying over the phone to you is working, and more than that, moans are scientifically proven to make people aroused.

QUICK TIP: MOANING IS VERY SEXY.

Mutual masturbation

Masturbation together, either on each other or at the same time while engaging in phone sex.

Body Parts: Nipples, neck, lips, pussy, dick, ass, asshole

Addressing sexual body parts is an important element to good phone sex. What do you like teased the most? What do you enjoy most about your partner? Discuss licking, fucking, or touching those sensitive parts as a way to move the conversation forward.

Toys

Toys are encouraged during phone sex and can be described in detail. Turn on your partner by describing the vibrations of your toy and how it is making you feel while on the phone with him/her.

Shower Sex

Wet and steamy... what could be better? People love to talk about shower sex because it’s a very slippery sexy way to bump and grind. The perks of talking about it on the phone rather than doing it in person have a lot to do with the dangerous nature of shower sex falls! However, if you and your partner both have waterproof phone cases, a shower could lend itself as an interesting location to have phone sex. Just try not to slip!Â

Panties/Lingerie/Briefs

Man, woman, or otherwise, if you are not in the nude during your phone sex call, you better be wearing some sexy underwear. Bring up the texture, size, color, and feel of your sexy undergarments to paint a delicious picture for your partner to imagine.

Cum

There are so many directions you can take when talking about cum to your partner. You can talk about your cum, their cum, when you’re about to cum, how you plan to make them cum, the texture, taste, smell, etc. The list is literally endless. It's what we’re all here for in the end, so get to phone sexing about your cum!

Bedroom Food

Food is always an interesting twist to bring into the bedroom, imaginary or not. Bring up the tastes, smells, or textures of food to add to your fantasy if you want to sweeten it up. It might actually make your mouth water.

Oral Sex

A classic! In every way in which oral sex can be performed (blowjob, eating out, anilingus, etc.) there is so much to imagine, describe, and fantasize about. Think about your favorite thing about giving your partner a blowjob, or receiving some literally ass-kissing. Use your imagination to describe it in immense detail. It’s bound to turn you and your partner on!

Anal Sex

Ass play is always very fun when brought into the world of phone sex. Does your partner have a specifically sexy bum? Do you love giving or receiving anal sex? Add it to the phone sex mix!

Orgys

When having phone sex, the sky is the limit in terms of where the fantasy can go. You can even invent another person to join you in your imaginary rouse. This can be a celebrity, person you know, or total stranger. Allow you and your partner to interact with this mythical person or persons.

Pegging

Pegging is when you use a strap on to penetrate your partner. It’s a great tool for lesbian couples to enjoy penetration, but can be used by any phone sex pair!

Foot Fetish

Do you or your partner have a thing for feet? A foot fetish is a very common turn on for many people. You can discuss your stockings, socks, heels, toes, etc. Or, you can describe what you want to do to someones feet (such as suck their toes).

Role Play

Role playing is when you pretend to be someone else while engaging in sex. Phone sex partners can pretend to be a nurse and patient, long lost lovers, spies, teacher and student, etc. Some couples enjoy using role playing to ease into phone sex. It can be easier and sexier to play a role rather than diving in as themselves!

Cuckolding

Some people like to imagine that their lovers are having sex with other people in front of them. That is often described as cuckolding. It’s more common among men who want to see their wives fuck a big strong man, but it can be used within any pair of partners!

Bondage

Phone sex is a safe way to explore a bondage fantasy. Some phone sex partners go as far as to tie themselves up while on the phone and utilize bluetooth toys in order to bring the fantasy to life. If you love being tied up, or love tying your partner up, bondage is a fun element to bring into your phone sex world.

Voyeurism

Some people like to secretly watch others engage in sexual activity, or thaey enjoy being watched themselves! Phone sex pairs can pretend to engage in voyeurism. They can be onlookers of each other or even onlookers of other sexual partners/pairs.

Urophilia

Urophilia is a sexual affinity to all things urine! Think golden showers, watching others urinate, or urinating while having an orgasm. If you love using urine in your sex life, but your partner is afraid to go for it in real life, phone sex is a great way to explore the fantasy. You can request that you listen to your partner urinate or describe scenarios in which urination occurs.

Dominance

For some people, being taken advantage of or taking advantage can be wildly hot in the bedroom. Dominance is a popular fetish in which one parter exercises a significantly larger amount of power over the other partner in the bedroom. Sometimes the dominant partner is referred to as Daddy, sir, madame, queen, etc. The submissive partner is completely at their will!

Phone sex within a relationship is the most intimate form of phone sex. Often, it is done between couples who are in a long distance relationship, but phone sex does not exclusively apply to LDRs! Some couples simply can’t get enough of each other and need to get it on in the moments when they are not in the same room, and who can blame them? This type of phone sex is unique in that the partners truly know each other and they are comfortable. It allows for couples to try new things and add a new dimension to their relationship. The fact that the couple knows each other so well may make it challenging for some couples to take it seriously; however, after the initial laughs you may share over it, you’ll more than likely be able to quickly get into a phone sex groove with one another.

Couples who are in long distance relationships are encouraged to test out some bluetooth toys. If phone sex becomes a frequent, even necessary, occurrence, investing in some awesome remotely controlled toys is going to be totally worth it! Couples may use phone sex to introduce things they fantasize about trying or are scared to actually try in the bed room. It’s a nice way to ease into a more expandable sex life and test the waters within realms that may otherwise feel too taboo to try. Phone sex is a great way for couples to stay close, intimate, and try new things.

Sext first: Get yourself and your partner in the mood with some hot and heavy sexting first. Send (consensual) nudes. Send the dirty message that tells them exactly what youâ€T Md like to do to them. Type things you might not be able to say to get them excited about the phone conversation later.
Sexy memories: Not sure how to get started? Remind them of that sexy thing you did a few months or years ago. Here are some examples: “Remember when we went skinny dipping?” or “I loved that time at the hotel in Vegas.”

Confess a sexy thought: If you’ re having good IRL sex with your partner, you’ve certainly had a sexy thought or two about them. Start your phone sex experience by sharing one. “I love it when you wear those blue panties” or “Sometimes I want to bend you over the kitchen counter and make you come.”
Fantasize together: When you’re not looking at each other, sometimes it’s easy to confess your kinky fantasies. Even if you never act on them, it’s a great way to experience phone sex together. It can be a role play scenario or a kinky domination or submission fantasy. Don’t be shy and explore those fantasies with a lot less pressure.
Skype or Facetime: You wish you could see them while you’re apart, so here’s your opportunity. Now you can get naked together and get a visual of the action, too. Ask them to show you how they touch themselves or use a sex toy. Let them watch you, too. Few words will be needed when you can see each other. Spend time post-orgasm enjoying each other’s company. Now you can be sleepy and sweet with each other or you can start again with a new fantasy or sexy thought. The nice thing about phone sex in a relationship is that you can move from a sexual moment to a sweet moment without feeling awkward.

People often love having phone sex with a fuckbuddy or a friend-with-benefits because they feel able to be sexually free. There is still some tension in the air which can lead to steamy conversation. Likely, fuckbuddies know what the other is into, but don’t know each other on a deeply emotional level. This makes for some pretty hot and interesting phone sex. Using a fuckbuddy to test out phone sex is also a great way to get more comfortable with yourself sexually. After all, fuckbuddies are there for sexual experimentation. You can feel free to let loose and entertain new fantasies without and responsibility or repercussions on the relationship after the end of the call. The fact that phone sex partners know each other intimately allows for easy access to imagining dirty images and picturing their partner in sexual positions throughout the duration of the call.

Respect your partner’s boundaries. If they don’t want to discuss a topic, leave it alone and talk about something else.
Stop when your partner says they’re uncomfortable or uninterested.
Tell your partner if you’re not comfortable.
Distinguish between a fantasy you want to try in real life versus a phone sex only fantasy. This is especially important when you are having phone sex with someone you’ll see later. They may think you want to do that kinky, taboo thing in real life.
Don’t demand anything from the other person unless they’re okay with it.
Don’t try to tell a partner what to do unless they’re into that kind of power play.
If you’re on a chatline, don’t share personal details until you’re comfortable. No one has to know your real name or phone number.
Don’t give strangers your location or address.